I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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