If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
