the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My ATM looks so different sober.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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