I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
