what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
