I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
