she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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