Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
