You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
