Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize