I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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