I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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