just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
