her vagine was all disorganized.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
How does it feel to date your dad?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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