Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
