I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
