I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
