Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I looked at my own cervix.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize