what day is it and did you see me today?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
