I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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