I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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