You made me cry and you don't even care
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
