Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
