She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
