Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
