today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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