Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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