So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
