I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
