He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
