Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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