just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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