Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
