Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
