she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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