There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize