im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just pee around me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
