I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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