This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
