I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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