barbara walters just said penis...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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