bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
