I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
