so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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