Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
