I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
