some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it's like iHOP with fire
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
