I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
