plz talk dirty to me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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