Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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