Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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