ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize