I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
