i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
