yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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