I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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