What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
