Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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