I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
