Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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