They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
