i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
