I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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