I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
