a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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