If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
