i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
