Please, let me fuck your mom
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
