I wanna bring you to show and tell
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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