After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
