hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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