Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
