yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
