By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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