how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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