How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
