Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
