Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
