You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We are two peas in an std pod
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
