Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
