I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize