i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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