My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
