I am in a vortex of obligation.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
