Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
