Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
