I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
