Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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