how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
